Being a FASD detective – connecting brain and behaviour
“It’s the same every night…when Sophie (10) gets in the shower, I tell her to use shampoo. I ask her if she’s washing her hair and she says yes … then she comes out of the bathroom and her hair is dry. When I confront her, she gets upset and says she’s not lying…. Is this FASD?”
If you sometimes feel that you have no idea why your child is behaving a certain way, you are not alone. This week, I talked to Carmel, a kinship carer who was struggling to make sense of Sophie’s behaviour. Carmel felt tired and frustrated. Was Sophie being lazy, or did she want Carmel to wash her hair for her? Maybe, thought Carmel, Sophie just doesn’t care about hygiene. Why else would she do this night after night?
Understanding “why”
Carmel and Sophie’s story highlights a common struggle for people with FASD and their parents and carers. If we don’t know that a person’s actions come from factors beyond their control, it’s easy to slip into blame, and feelings of anger and frustration, which can be devastating both for the child and their parent.
Shifting Perspectives: It’s ‘Can’t,’ Not ‘Won’t’
Understanding Sophie’s actions as results of a brain-based condition rather than ‘disobedience’ shifts our attention to what Sophie really needs. Children with FASD can’t tell us why they behave the way they do. They need adults to do the detective work and figure out the ‘why’.
Being a FASD Detective: Observe, Reflect, Connect
I asked Carmel if she could think of a time when Sophie behaved differently. Were there days when Sophie could remember all the steps and follow them? Carmel said no, this happens all the time.
Did Carmen think Sophie would behave differently if they had planned to do a fun activity after her shower? Would this motivate her? Carmel said no, and that Sophie would be more likely to rush and miss other steps too, like using the soap.
Carmel realised that Sophie had never remembered all the steps involved in showering, even when there was an incentive. She realized that the behavior wasn’t within Sophie’s control.
Creating Effective Strategies
Carmel and I had a look back at Sophie’s FASD assessment that showed the areas in which her brain has greatest difficulty. Carmel knows that Sophie has trouble focussing and staying on task. We looked at each area and thought about how it might affect Sophie’s ability to take a shower:
- Attention: Sophie means to wash her hair but gets distracted once she’s in the shower.
- Verbal Processing: She couldn’t really process what Carmel was saying, especially with with the water running.
- Memory: She can’t remember whether she washed her hair or not, so she says “yes” when asked.
- Planning and Organisation: She knows she’s supposed to wash her hair but couldn’t remember whether to use shampoo or conditioner first, so she didn’t start.
By making the connection between brain function and behaviour, Carmel realised that Sophie needed more help. Sophie processes visual information better than verbal information, so it made sense to use a visual chart to display in the shower.
Carmel put the chart up in the shower and we worked out the next steps:
- Teach: Show Sophie the chart and explain it.
- Remind: At shower time, use the chart to remind Sophie of the steps.
- Supervise: When it was time for Sophie to get out of the shower, Carmel would check if she had done the steps. If not, she would wait while Sophie did them.
How did it go?
Sophie loved the chart – but felt it needed unicorns. The first time they tried it, Sophie mixed up the shampoo and conditioner – so Carmel put stickers on both the chart and the bottles to help her tell the difference.
Carmel decided that she didn’t want Sophie washing her hair every day, so she created an updated version of the chart. She laminated both versions together, attaching them to the tiles with Blu Tack. Carmel flips the chart over depending on the day.
The Detective Work Continues
The final step for Carmel will be to watch and see if it works. If the chart doesn’t work, Carmel might need to use her detective skills to figure out why. Sophie might need more teaching, more reminding, or more supervision.
Understanding the connection between brain and behaviour is key when supporting a child with FASD. By becoming a “FASD detective,” you can start to see patterns in your child’s actions and uncover the reasons behind their behaviours. It’s not about making quick fixes but rather learning how their brain works and adjusting your approach to meet their needs. This kind of understanding takes time, patience, and plenty of trial and error, but it’s a crucial step in building a more supportive environment for your child. With the right strategies, you can move away from frustration and start focusing on helping your child thrive.